No TA yet!

This week has been so hard. I was really hoping that we would get our travel approval. No such luck! On Thursday I received an email from a woman I've gotten to know online who is with my same agency. She had received her travel approval. I was happy for her (she has been waiting for over three years in the Non special needs line)! But disappointed and worried because our LOAs were sent back at the time. My mind is working over time wondering if it could have gotten lost, if there is a problem, etc. I'm trying so hard not to worry. I still have a couple of weeks before my travel date will be pushed back. The thing I most worry about is that in April there is a large fair in Guangzhou that could complicate our travel. So I'm desperately hoping we travel in March. I just don't think I could face another month of this wait.

I was telling my mom yesterday how when we were trying to decide what direction to take after Ava died that part of the reason that I chose adoption was I just didn't think I could face nine months of uncertainty. Adoption felt much safer to me. I could just sit back and wait for someone to call and tell me there was a baby. Boy was I wrong! I have had two + years of anxiety and the last couple of months have made me insane. I think I was led to adoption because this is what we are supposed to do. This is part of God's plan for our family. But it makes to laugh now because nine months seems like nothing in comparison. Adoption was definitely not the "easy" way.

So I'm hoping and praying that we receive our travel approval this week. If we do than it looks like we will be able to travel on the 20th of March - that is less than a month away! Come on TA!